Day 2- Why I'm "lighting it up blue" !

I don't care who started "Light It Up Blue". I don't care if you agree with that organization or not. I'm not here to agree or disagree with them, because honestly I'm new to this ballgame and I don't know a whole lot about it. So, I'm going to tell you my reasons for lighting it up blue today and for the entire month of April. Our special needs journey began with our youngest daughter over three and a half years ago. We are still no closer to a diagnosis today than we were then. A diagnosis won't change our day to day, but without one there is no ribbon, there are no groups to join, there are no diagnosis specific support groups, you're stuck in the unknown. I can spread awareness about special needs, the Special Olympics, and Spread the Word to End the Word, which I do, with my whole entire heart. 

Now, with Grace, there is Autism. And with the month of April, Autism Awareness, and Light it Up Blue. So I'm going to support my Aspie Girl just like I do my youngest. I'm going to change my porch light and I'm going to throw a blue lantern in my window for good measure. I'm going to shine a light on Autism. Hopefully more people will learn something from all of the posts people are putting up all over Facebook. My daughter is not rude, she lacks social skills and doesn't know how to conduct herself in social settings well. My daughter is not a dirty hobo. Clothing makes her uncomfortable and the only thing she likes are cotton t-shirts and sweat pants. She doesn't like to wash her hair and will make it clear she only does so because she's being tortured. If you don't brush her hair it won't get brushed, because that again is just torture. No she doesn't have a dot on her forehead, that is her ever present wound because she "picks" when she's stressed or in uncomfortable situations, which is pretty much all of the time. Now, she has two spots on her head and more on her arms because it's summer, ya know, short sleeves and all. So, yeah, I started rambling but you get the point. 

I'm not lighting it up blue to annoy you for 30 days.

I'm not lighting up blue to make everyone who doesn't have Autism or a kid with Autism feel bad. 

I'm not lighting it up blue because I want to be cool. 

I'm lighting it up blue for GRACE!

Day 1- A curve ball

Stuck on Shelby is participating in the 30 days of Autism Blog Challenge put forth by Asperger's Rules! Please go check it out and the other bloggers that are participating as well!

Day 1

     It's April 1st, the beginning of Autism Awareness month. In previous years this month didn't hit me personally. Sure, Shelby was probably going to end up under the PDD-NOS umbrella because of her Global Developmental Delays but it never really felt like that fit. She never had any autism traits. We are no closer to a diagnosis now than we were when our journey first began. Shelby will be six in July and she functions at a late two early three year old level in most areas. She is loving, outgoing, and very very social. She is on the go from the time she gets up until the time she goes to bed. She swings and swings and swings, both on her indoor net swing and outside. She doesn't really have sensory issues like most kids but if she's "off" it will usually help.
     So, ok, if that's the case with Shelby why does this year hit me personally then you may be asking? I'm getting to that. You see, I have two other kids. Grace, my oldest, is 10. She's in the 4th grade now. I'm really struggling on a place to start with this. In October or November we started seeing a therapist. Grace was having issues in school that seemed beyond "normal". Despite her teachers efforts and our efforts at home she seemed to be very stressed and anxious. She was shutting down. I couldn't reach her. I couldn't talk to her. In fact she'd barely speak to me, save a few grunts. After the therapist met with Grace on our very first session the therapist said to me, "I don't normally bring this up so quickly unless there are so many red flags I can't ignore, but...have you ever heard of Asperger's or High Functioning Autism?" And I just stared at her. I stared, and stared, and stared, and finally I said, "Oh, my, God, it's so flipping obvious isn't it?! Where has my head been? My mind NEVER went there!" And as we went back through her behaviors it was one "Aha!" moment after another!!
     I went home and started reading everything I could find on Asperger's and girls. At first I felt incredible guilt for not thinking of it earlier. I mean I'm her mother! I've got friends that have kids with Autism, I have a special needs child myself!!! Why did I NEVER connect the dots myself?! But the more I read the more the guilt washed away. Girls are simply harder to read than boys. They are often over looked as being "dramatic" as being "quirky", as being "immature", because their symptoms often manifest so much differently than boys. At least this is often the case with Aspie Girls. As Aspie girls grow up they learn to "mimic" their peers making it that much harder to diagnosis them. Thus the reason why Aspie girls often make it to Jr. High, High School, College, and beyond before ever getting an Asperger's or High Functioning Autism diagnosis. Some end up being mislabeled as ADHD or bi-polar, social anxiety disorders, or a combination of these. There are women in their 30's just now getting the proper diagnosis.
     So, we're continuing with therapy, it's helping, a little, more in us understanding each other than anything. We're holding intervention meetings at the school to determine what we can do to help her with her struggles there. They've done their testing and we're waiting on the results of another one by speech, the pediatrician agrees Asperger's is the correct path as well as the therapist. We're waiting to get into Easter Seals for our "official" diagnosis but at this point it feels pretty darn official to me. Life is a daily roller coaster. I never know what a day is going to be like from one hour to the next. So with that, thank you for reading all of this. And stay tuned for tomorrows post. What it will be? I have no idea!

Let my nut out...oops!

So I'm sorry I know I haven't been on here in ages. I suck as a blogger. In my defense I was pretty much sick from a week before Thanksgiving until right before Christmas. At some point labs indicated I had mono(don't know when), a large infection, and strep throat. I. Was. A. Mess. During all that I was also starting Topamax for my awesome chronic migraines, so if I miss-spell words or totally just leave them out now, you know why. It makes you stupid. BUT my head doesn't hurt. Yay me! So enough whining. On to the fun stuff........

So tonight I let my nut out in a big way. Meaning, have you ever had a moment where you suddenly realize you are batshit crazy? Like really, you are just, wow. Really? I'm THAT bad? I'm not that bad am I? No, yep, I'm THAT bad. So exhibit A. My friend, I'll call her "Smerin" to protect her identity ;-) posted a picture of a vinyl tree she had put on her wall over a book case. A very cute tree. Here is said tree.

Now, knowing her as well as I do, I didn't say, "Oh so pretty, I love it!" I said, "Do me a favor...see what it looks like when you center tree trunk with the center of the bookcase? Then snap a pic and let me see it!" Wow, um, typing that out I sound neurotic as hell! So basically, I stare at this picture, willing the bookcase to move with shear mind power. My heart is racing, I begin to fidget with my hands. "Smerin" says she can't move the tree. I said, don't move the tree move the book case. Center the bookcase. Move it. Please! Because the please made the fact I was letting my nut show, ok! :) So, at this point I'm basically hyperventilating and all of my friends and all of "Smerin's" friends are thinking WHO is this woman and why does she care? This isn't HER tree or her house! Good point and I have NO FRIGGIN' IDEA! I'm sure Dr. Phil does. I would probably make Dr. Phil cry like a girl. He wouldn't know WHAT to do with the hot mess that is me but anyways I'm rambling. Ah yes, back to "Smerin". Anyway,  I had just booked my ticket to "Smvirginia" on Priceline to move it myself when "Smerin" announces she moved the bookcase but doesn't like it centered. The other way is more, how did she put it? Oh yes, "whimsical". Whimsical, WHIMSICAL?! I mean, really, what, no, surely not, I mean, what? "Did you take a picture?!!" I asked, calmly. And then she posted this heavenly site to be hold....

Almost immediately my heart slowed, my breathing returned to normal, and all was right with the world again. Sure the marker on the top could be put with the rest of the markers on the bottom shelf, but the trunk was center with the shelf and even lined up with the candle thing. It was glorious. It wasn't whimsical, it was GLORIOUS! 

So it was after this and talking with some friends that I realized, wow, I have some issues. I don't really have things on my walls because I can never find the "perfect" place to put them. My bed is in the center of the wall it's on. My tv, is in the center of the wall it's on. I'm not crazy about everything. I wish I loved to keep everything spotless, I know there are others that would love that too. But darn it, when I let my nut show, I let it show in a BIG way. 

One of the biggest things that drives me crazy in my own home is this...

Do you see it? Think real hard...not the curtain...I took a panel down to measure it, I'm making new ones. But yes that is bugging me them not being "even" in the pic. The vent, you see it? Now you do. It is NOT center with the window! My question is WHO would put a window NOT center with a vent or a vent NOT center with a window? Crazy right?! When you close the curtains the vent should be centered between the two like a pretty centered masterpiece but NO. It's off center glaring at me like menacing gaping hole just teasing me with it's off centeredness. I have asked my husband how hard it would be to move the vent over and he looked at me like I grew three heads. I'm guessing it wouldn't be easy. This bugs me, every stinkin' day. 

So, whether you like things centered, whether you have to count things, whether you have to check to see if the stove is off before you can sleep at night, whatever it is that you do that lets your nut show. Know this, YOU are NOT, alone! 

<3

I just noticed this...but I center the text in my blog!!!! *snort*